Look What the Jersey Shore Washed Up ...

So much to say, yet we have no words. We hope everyone had a chance to see this finale. Each and every one of these women lost their freakin' minds. Danielle, there's a pretty good possibility that you're clinically insane. Why on earth would you bring that book to a dinner party … with children?! Caroline, or should we say the ringer of the thieves, you frighten us. Should we mention that your attack dog trainer is currently under indictment for tax fraud? … among other charges. Dina, where is your husband for crying out loud? Someone needs to knock some sense into you. Teresa, you totally went ape-sh*t. Why? Because Danielle insulted your intelligence? Let's be honest here, even though she is a 'cop without a badge', we don't think she is an authority over intelligence. We think you and your bubbies should be more concerned with the fact that your husband pays for everything with cash on national television. Good luck with the IRS, because something tells us you're going to get audited. Jacqueline, Caroline seems to think that her parents are going to be upset with you, but we're pretty sure they would be upset if they caught wind of any of the behavior exhibited by their children at that 'classy' affair. But in any case, maybe you can have Dina pray for you too. We thank you all for hours of wreckless, foul-mouth entertainment. Looking forward to next season. We're just saying.

LiLo the Clepto

Let's get this straight sticky fingers Lohan, not only do you drink and drive, stalk your ex gf, and do loads of drugs all while managing to not eat, now you steal? Sure you haven't done anything positive/successful for your career in years, but do you really think stealing is the way to get yourself back on top? This isn't Claire's accessories, walking out with $400,000 in Dior jewlery from an Elle Magazine shoot does not go unnoticed. And let's be honest, that diamond encrusted skull ring you buy Sam Ro isn't going to mean as much if it's bought with dirty money. Now go make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, reconsider snorting that line and pull yourself together LiLo; you are officially in over your head. We're just saying.

One Night in Paris

When we first heard about you chasing after the prostitute-loving Cristiano Ronaldo, we wrote it off as a rumor. It hadn't even been 24 hours since your split with the man you claimed was going to be your husband. While we admire your ability to move on quickly, we don't know Paris, take a break, do something productive, schedule a gynecologist appointment. We're just saying.

No Effing Way

AIG - are you really suing your ex-CEO for a tank in your retirement? We don't get it. Pot calling the kettle black much? We're just saying.

Rob's new Big...loser

Holy high school. Remember when it was cool to lie about getting your stomach pumped? Oh right, it never was. Seriously, get a life John Mayer. It's embarassing for everyone to watch you pull these Ashtonesque stunts, while refusing to grow up and bringing little Rob Dyrdek down with you. Reality check, you write love ballads about "candy lips" and "bubble gum tounges" and pulling pranks with Rob doesn't mean you will land a role on next season's Fantasy Factory. Go back to the recording studio, we've had it with the publicity stunts (aka dating Jennifer Aniston). We liked you so much more before you cut your hair and got a twitter account. We're just saying.

It's Britney Bitch

Single men are mourning everywhere, and we can't blame them. The fishnet-stocking, cowboy-boots sporting singer is dating her agent, and people are calling it 'the best thing that ever happened to her'. Oh snap, K-Fed, that must hurt your popozao. How can anyone be better than ex-manager/drug dealer Sam Lufti? Baffling. This guy must be SUCH a catch. And boys, if you really have your heart-broken, rest assured; Paris is back on the market. Bam! We're just saying.

Score: Bridget Moynahan - 1, Giselle Bundchen - 999,999

We have to laugh at this, Tom. Did you really get rescued from the Charles River while kayaking?! You're the 2007 NFL MVP for crying out loud! And the winner of not 1, but 3 Super Bowls! Flipping your kayak, fine, we'll assume you were trying to show off for your smokin' hot wife, but why did you need to be 'fished out of the Charles River'? Can you not swim? We still love you/want to be with you, we're just going to give Bridg a point. We're just saying.